Another Restless Night: Poem by Denna Noah
Darkness falls
Sleep eventually too
Sandman fails to allow deep slumber
Like he allows for you
My body is exhausted
And it cannot keep on
It shuts itself down
Unfortunately not for long
In your eyes I appear to rest
But here, where I am
It’s such a mess
Shhhhh I hear him coming
Circling through my house
Walking room to room
I remain quiet as a mouse
Then I realize
I’m surely to easily be seen
And i need to run to protect my kids
Must do it sly and keen
His heavy steps get closer
And he moves closer to my little girl’s room
I’m terrified and need to save her
But I am unable to move
My mind is aware that her life is in danger
But my body is paralyzed and will not move
My heart is raising oh what do I do
It’s not from being afraid, from fear
Cause nothing can keep me from keeping my babies clear
Of harm and danger at any expense
But I am helpless and pissed it doesn’t make sense
His footsteps are heavy
They come closer by the minute
This is a horror film
And I am in it
Why he is so slow I don’t understand
What does he want from me, this man?
He passed by not harming my kids
My body will not cooperate and I can’t even open my eyelids
I’m scared and terrified
But my body will not move
No matter how hard I try
I can do nothing not even cry
I’m breathing so hard
And the breaths are fewer and farther apart
As I lay here and suffocate
It stops
There goes my heart
I lay here and die
Cannot help but wonder what’s on his mind
Why he visits over and over
Time after time in my sleep prying
But he will be disappointed to see I am already dying
Why must he enter here
Right now?
As I take, what seems to be, my last breath?
I will not face the wrath tonight
Of his riddles and tests
He always says he wants the heart from my chest
I’m already dying man just let me be
And finally I open my eyes one last time to see
He is coming anyway
Coming for me
My body is paralyzed head to toe
He is quiet now and where he lurks
I no longer know
All I can do is breath heavy with fear
Then my heart stopped cause I realize he’s near
He stands over me I can feel his presence here to my right
Why does he torture me night after night
I can feel his breath right in my face
So close that his lips I can almost taste
I hear no movement any at all
But here a slight whisper as though he calls
For another evil lurking kind
Maybe after years of nightly torture this is my time
I’m no contest at all for a man anyway
But my body failed me again today
If only I could get up and ran for cover and not failed to protect like a good mother
Again after emotional torture and pain I wake up in my room to darkness and rain
My body is Alive and allowing me to move
So I get out of bed and move around my room
Looking for signs of the events of the night and the pale man that causes me such fright
No sign of his visit its always the same
His task is successful in driving me insane
I know he was not here where I am at
Cause lying peaceful and asleep are my children and cat
My dog never barked and is fast asleep
It’s just same torture I get from this disease
It allows no time for sleep or peaceful rest and always awaken before he stabs a knife in my chest
When does it end or what medicine is needed
But they scare me almost as bad as the torture and bleeding
About the Poet, Denna Noah:
“I am 40 years old. I have four children ages 24, 17, 10, and 9. I am married to Matt who is a basketball coach. I have suffered from EDS, Sleep Attacks, Sleep Paralysis, and Cataplexy since the 7th grade. I knew things were not right but have had one tragedy or obstacle after another that my symptoms were blamed on. I was finally compliant with a sleep study in 2009 and got my diagnosis and started treatment. I have had two car accidents while working which warranted giving up my adored calling as a hospice nurse. I also have Multiple Sclerosis and many days are a struggle. But by far the narcolepsy seems to be my biggest obstacle daily. I have issues with meds to assists in sleeping soundly due to an accident and arrest where lab work was drawn and I was sentenced with a DUI Drugs a year later due to prescribed Ambien in my system from two nights prior. Therefore, I have chosen to be open about my narcolepsy and hope to raise more awareness especially among school aged children.”
Follow Denna’s blog: http://www.dennaaycock.blogspot.com/.
More narcolepsy poetry here.
Learn more about hypnagogic hallucinations and sleep paralysis:
Shoot dang! That gave me chills!
This was so beautiful to read, and so very real great job!
Dear Denna: Your poem brought me back thirty years. You are describing my nightmares – the ones I experienced when I was about your age, a single mom of three teenagers. My son slept in a loft over the dining room where he could hear my muffled screams coming from any room… he’d practically throw himself down the steep, narrow steps to wake me, realizing I was terrified and paralyzed. I still have cataplexy and sleep paralysis and I’ll even get a real humdinger of a nightmare every now and then, for the most part my nightmares don’t have that degree of fear anymore.
I just stumbled on your blog and wanted to say how much I admire you for your courage and advocacy. As a child and through my college years I was plagued by what I now understand was sleep paralysis. I never even mentioned it to a doctor, but it was terrifying when it happened. Once in a blue moon I can still feel the start of an episode, but have somehow managed to find some way to break out of it before total paralysis takes over.
Although I have never been diagnosed with Narcolepsy, I do suffer from some serious sleep disorder – as part of my 26 year history with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. When I am in a severe flare-up, I typically sleep 16 -18 hours a day! I can fall asleep anywhere when I am in a flare, but then also struggle with insomnia at other times. I would love to learn more about Narcolepsy. I am looking forward to following you. Thanks again for all you are doing for all those struggling with this strange disorder. Pat