Nine Halloweens ago, I felt like a “monster” – lacking the energy and health to play the role of the fun fabulous party host I wanted to be. At the time, I was a few weeks into my narcolepsy diagnosis and struggling terribly to adjust. Check out chapter 11 of my memoir, Wide Awake and Dreaming: A Memoir of Narcolepsy.

After that, I gave up on this part of my identity and haven’t participated in Halloween since. I threw out my extensive costume collection long ago.

Yet, this Halloween, I decided to co-host a costume party with my neighbors who LOVE Halloween.  Their enthusiasm was infectious. We went all out – costumes, cobwebs, a piñata, dry-ice, festive drinks and s’mores. My homemade “Bitmoji” costume was a hit.

I had a great time, and I APPRECIATED it so much, knowing what it feels like to have lost a part of me and reclaim her many moons and many miles from where I’d buried her. Looking back, I couldn’t have forced this journey and I never imagined re-finding this silly part of my identity. Yet I am struck by the fact that she was always there, I AM STILL ME.

Special thanks to my amazing Melrose Place neighbors who have become an amazing family to me.